Digital Paper: The Kitchen God

©Barbara Bornet Stumph, 2008

“Hey! Why did you erase my story!” I say to my hand-painted portrait of Zhao Wang, Kitchen God.

He stares at me.

“ Why not? I didn’t like it,” says Kitchen God, Zhao (pronounced “z-ow”).

“I thought it wasn’t bad,” I say glumly.

“You said you would write the whole story - - flattering and not so flattering. You left some stuff out,” Zhao complains.

“I did not!”

“Well, you didn’t say how I made you get well last week,” Zhao says. “ Remember when Casey Loo said, ‘All that Chinese voodoo must be working!’ Remember?” Kitchen God’s penetrating grey eyes hold my attention. His decorative crown does not soften the dark ridges and wet brush strokes of his forehead lines.

“Yeah, I forgot,” I say.

I ask my husband, Terry, to help me find the lost story.

“I can’t find it, Barbara,” my husband announces.

“It’s gotta’ be in there!”

“Sorry.” Terry leaves the study.

I plop down in my computer chair- - no coffee or chocolate chips at hand. I had both this morning. Well, that draft has vanished.

“Are you laughing at me? I can hear you,” I say to Kitchen God.

Our new grandfather clock strikes two-forty five. (It is three o’clock on the computer screen. )

“Bet you fiddled with our clock, too,” I say to my newfound Deity.

“Well, Spirits have ways, ya’ know. Don’t be sore. Forget the last story. Write another. You can do it. The second ‘ll be better. Come on! Shorter….punchier…. the whole story,” says Zhao.

Sigh.

Every writer’s nightmare : erase a draft.

Pure carelessness.

“Save this one now!” Zhao urges.

“OK I saved it twice- - just to be sure,” I say.

“Hey, why did you talk about me last Monday in your ESL class? There are lots of other antiquated customs for Chinese Spring and New Year Festivals. Besides, lots of folks don’t even remember me, the great Kitchen God. So why?” Kitchen God inquires.

“Listen Zhao, that’s why I painted you. My students are ninety-two and eighty-three. They remembered you: did you see their faces soften when I brought you up in class? My teaching partner and I wanted to share Chinese customs make our students feel more comfortable. I found my 1965 copy of M. Sasek and W.H.Allen’s book called, This Is Hong Kong. I ran off a page all about you, so we could get them to talk a little.”

Zhao says, “Did it work? How do you know those students remembered me?”

“Oh! Didn’t you see the look on Chen Mei’s (82 years old) face? First she looked off with a distant gaze followed by a belly laugh. She said something to the other lady, Ming Feng, in some dialect I don’t speak. (I only speak some Mandarin, you know.) I asked her to tell me about you. She spoke simple Chinese so I could follow her:

‘Ah. Zhao Wang: we had him when I was a child. We had him in my house. We called him Kitchen God. We gave him sweet candy so he would keep quiet. If people talked bad in the kitchen (she raised both of her hands and made them talk at each other like two angry mynah birds , saying ‘wah wah wah wah…’), Zhao Wang would tell on us.’”

The other student, Ming Feng (92) , laughed like she was seven years old; they spoke their other dialect one more time. Don’t know what they said,” I explain.

“They remembered me! Guess you’ve gotta’ to be 83 and 92 to know who I am. Used to be everyone knew. Kids now-days….a’yah! …. Hey, Barbara. How come you knew about me, anyway?”

“I saw an old poster of you behind the stove in the kitchen of Syin-jang, my Taiwanese college friend. That was forty years ago. Syin-jang told me all about you,” I answer.

“When I got home from that ESL class, I did my first painting of you, “ I continued. “ I wanted to have a big portrait of your face, so when a hundred seniors showed up the next week to our New Year of the Rat party, everyone would remember you. Trouble is, I never paint portraits. Never. There’s a man in my Chinese Brush Painting Yahoogroup who paints traditional portraits of the Immortals. I thought, ‘If Wils can do it, why can’t I try one?’ So, one day, without worrying over it, I just stood there and gave it a whirl. Actually, my husband and I were headed out to dinner, so I figured I only had fifteen minutes or so. Voila! You just appeared on my drawing table. I couldn’t believe it.”

“Neither could I! “ says the Deity. “ Suddenly, I thought, ‘ What am I doing in this White Ghost’s house?’ (Well that is what Chinese called you foreigners in the old days. Not any more, you understand!),” says Kitchen God. “You know what: You forgot to paint my sword!”

“ Sorry about that. I added red, green and gold to your robes the next morning --after the black ink was dry. I copied the calligraphy above your head in the picture. I wasn’t sure if you carried a sword or a scroll,” I replied.

“It’s a sword. That’s OK. Well, they liked my picture, didn’t they?”

“People stood and stared, remember? ( I was sort of scared. I’ve never shown my Chinese brush art to so many Chinese before. ) I asked Jason Fong to translate the characters for me. He was enthusiastic. He liked my painting.”

I blushed when I told Jason, “ I copied the characters, you know, but I could only read , ‘Fu’ for ‘good fortune’. I asked him to translate them. When he was finished, I learned I had written your name and invited ‘Good Fortune’ - - so you should be good to us. Folks came up to me: one woman, Mrs. Wang, said, ‘You are more Chinese than you look!’ ‘Not really,’I said. Zhao, seeing your picture made people happy.”

Suddenly, I add: “Hey, I wrote a song for you didn’t I ? Don’t I get some points for that? Casey, Isabelle, and I sang it to our class. Did you hear us?”

“Yeah, but it was in English. Those newcomers had no idea what you were talking about. I saw new students there that day: Mr. and Mrs. Loong understood it but they were the only ones.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Did you see? I wrote some more verses? I don’t want you making kids nervous. I just want them to have fun.”

I wonder if Kitchen God has ever considered this?

“How’s the whole song go?”

Kitchen God is still staring at me.

“Here it is. I’ll sing it for you: let me know what you think.”

(Tune is “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”):

“Zhao Wang, Kitchen God, Song

Verse 1:

You’d better buy buns;

You’d better not lie;

No negative talk;

I’m telling you why:

Kitchen God is watching your house.

Verse 2:

Zhao’s hearing your talk;

Gossip galore;

Gonna’ find out who’s naughty and more:

Kitchen God is watching your house.

Chorus:

He’s gonna’ see Jade Emperor;

They’ll have a jubilee:

He’s gonna’ tell Him all the news--

He’ll report on you and me!

Verse 3:

You’d better not gab;

You cannot be sly;

Better not mope;

I’m telling you why:

Kitchen God is watching your house.

Verse 4:

You’d better not lag;

You’re always on time;

Glue his mouth shut:

His face will just shine;

Kitchen God is watching your house.

Chorus 2:

It’s time to buy some fruit and tea;

Let’s put out honey cakes;

We’re paying all our family debts;

So be good for Zao Wang’s sake!

Verse 5:

You’d better stay calm;

You’d better be kind;

You’d better respect;

I’m telling you why:

Kitchen God is watching your house.

Verse 6:

You’ll study real hard;

Make yourself smart;

Folks will be proud;

I’m telling you why:

Kitchen God is watching your house.

Chorus 3:

We’ll feed him sticky lotus canes:

His mouth will be stuck shut!

We’re wishing you ,

“Gung Hey Fat Choy!” (Cantonese Dialect)/ (“Gung Hsi Fa Tsai”, Mandarin Dialect)

Then we’ll make a paper cut.

Verse 7:

I know you’ll be good;

I know you’ll work hard;

I know you’re just fine;

I’m telling you why:

Kitchen God is watching your house.”

---

I glance over at Kitchen God, as my song lingers in this crowded study. Teacher books, lining the shelves next to Zhao’s portrait, remind me: “I hope teachers will pick this ditty up for their students.”

Kitchen God’s Buddha-like lips seem to curve upwards.

Barbara Bornet Stumph taught English Language Development and Ancient World History at Pittsburg High School and Ygnacio Valley High in the Pittsburg and Mt. Diablo High School Districts. She taught elementary levels in eight schools as an EL Resource Teacher the latter six years before retirement. She has a Masters in Curriculum and Instruction, after majoring in Intensive Chinese and Related Asian Studies. You can contact her at bbornets@yahoo.com